A Cupcake Tops Sasuke
by desolate butterfly
Summary: [drabble, crackfic] Sasuke thought that he would be able to top the innocent looking cupcake with its sweet sweet frosting. But he was so very wrong.
1. Chapter 1

Title: A Cupcake Tops Sasuke  
Author: desolate butterfly  
Genre: drabble, crack/humour, inanimate object smut  
Pairing: Cupcake/Sasuke  
Rating: R for um, well...it's rated R.  
Summary: _Sasuke thought that he would be able to top the innocent looking cupcake with its sweet sweet frosting. But he was wrong, so wrong._

* * *

Sasuke really didn't know where he'd gone wrong. It had looked like a safe assumption. 

After all, the cupcake was so soft and sweet looking, with angelic fluffy white icing and utterly gay rainbow candy bits on the top. It just _had_ to be uke.

Okay, so Sasuke had been wrong about Pound cake (who had turned out to be able to do what its name suggested quite adeptly), and Devil's Food cake (who had tied Sasuke up and got his good clothes all dirty) but this? This was _Cupcake._

There was no way Sasuke could lose to Cupcake.

Which was why Sasuke didn't understand why he was on the bottom _again_, moaning as Cupcake scraped his candy bits across his sensitive parts.

"This isn't fair..."

"Shut up, bitch, and take it." Cupcake tweaked his nipple mercilessly and started thrusting again. Soon, white icing coated Sasuke's lips and dribbled down his chin, making him cough.

He knew there was a reason he hated sweets.

--

Fin.

* * *

_Poor Sasuke. _

_Kukuku... _


	2. Chapter 2

_I can't believe there's more. XDDD  
_

_

* * *

_Title: Discipline  
Author: desolate butterfly  
Genre: crack/humour, inanimate object smut  
Pairing: Cupcake/Sasuke  
Warning: This is demented. Also BSDM. And did we mention the inanimate object smut?  
Summary: Sasuke learns to be a good boy and always obey the rules. Or else.

* * *

-- 

Sasuke stood in the doorway, hands clasped nervously. Cupcake was reading quietly on the bed, the warm glow of the lamp making his white frosting look lemon-flavoured, and turning the candy bits different colours. Sasuke cleared his throat.

"So...Naruto and the others wanted to know if I was going out to the Ichiraku tonight," he started.

Cupcake flipped a page over.

"Do you think you deserve to go out tonight?" Cupcake asked, calmly.

"Yes." Cupcake looked up from the book and stared hard at Sasuke until the boy blushed and his eyes lowered to the carpet. "...No."

Cupcake put the book aside.

"And why is that?"

Sasuke squirmed and shuffled his feet.

"I was bad today."

"Yes, you were," Cupcake said, sternly, and Sasuke flinched at the tone. Cupcake saw the flinch and its icing softened just a bit. Sasuke was such a precious treasure. No wonder everyone wanted his sweet whore.

Cupcake motioned Sasuke over to the bed, and the boy bounded over eagerly and climbed up beside Cupcake on his knees. Cupcake stroked the boy's cheek and smiled when Sasuke leaned into the touch.

"I'm proud of you for admitting you were bad," Cupcake murmured. "Now, can you show me that you are willing to be a good boy by taking your punishment without whining?"

Sasuke nodded and Cupcake went to work, looping silk bonds over Sasuke's wrists and feet, winding leather straps around his chest and thighs. Sasuke withstood this without a murmur, but when Cupcake went to slide the blindfold over his eyes, he protested.

"It's not fair!" he whimpered. "I want to see you."

"_Sasuke._" Cupcake scolded, shaking his head. "You obviously are a very bad boy. You can't even follow simple instructions."

Cupcake got out the rod of punishment and began striking the milky flesh of Sasuke's ass until it was vividly striped like peppermint candy. Soon Sasuke was writhing prettily and crying for Cupcake to stop, even as he arched into the stroke of the cane.

"You're mean," Sasuke sniffled, when Cupcake finally stopped, carressing his sore ass.

Cupcake laughed and lifted a sweaty lock of hair off the back of Sasuke's neck. Candy bits scraped against the curse seal, making Sasuke shiver.

"You like me that way, bitch," Cupcake whispered, and Sasuke closed his unseeing eyes as Cupcake started to thrust roughly into him, embarassed beyond measure that it was true.

--

Fin.

* * *

_Fufufu... _


	3. Chapter 3

_So this was written as a joke-fic for Sasuke's birthday and...okay, so I have no excuse. CUPCAKE PWNS JOO._

* * *

Title: Birthday Cake  
Author: desolate butterfly  
Genre: crack/humour, inanimate object smut  
Pairing: Cupcake/Sasuke  
Warnings: um...it's Cupcake/Sasuke?  
Summary: All Sasuke wants for his birthday is to top. Will he finally get his wish?

* * *

--

Sasuke trudged back to his apartment, moving as slowly as possible while still moving pretty darn fast (because he was a ninja, after all). It had been a long day and it was only about to get longer.

This morning he had fought with Cupcake _again._ He had refused to wear the collar or the skirt. He had bitched all the way through a rimming and this time Cupcake hadn't just shoved his way into Sasuke's mouth to shut him up.

Cupcake hadn't let Sasuke top either, like he wanted. He just...stopped. Everything.

Sasuke had pouted extra hard during breakfast and Cupcake had sent him off to training without even a short branding with the rod of correction.

Just, "Be good for Kakashi, Sasuke. Tell Naruto-san I'd like to talk to Ramen when he gets the chance."

Not even a threat of "or else, bitch" after the "be good".

It was strange how awful Sasuke felt. He should have been jumping for joy now that Cupcake had stopped tormenting him, but instead, all he wanted to do was crawl into bed and shut out the world.

Sasuke swung open his door and stepped into the dark apartment. Without turning on the light, Sasuke crept into the bedroom, and stopped short, eyes going wide.

On the bed was Cupcake, a single candle glowing softly in its icing, candy bits pert and rosy.

"Happy birthday Sasuke," Cupcake said, beckoning the boy closer. "I have a present. It's mostly for me, but you'll have fun too, I promise."

Sasuke approached the bed, breathless already.

"Does this mean," he asked, eyes eager, "that I can top tonight?"

Cupcake laughed and pressed Sasuke's face into the mattress, lifting the boy by the hips until his ass was in the air and his legs spread wide. The shorts were stripped off.

"Of course not, bitch," Cupcake said, affectionately.

Sasuke pouted and then moaned as icing spread stickily across his buttocks and a candle was inserted slowly into him.

All in all, it was a decent party.

--

Fin.

* * *

_Hehehehe... _


	4. Chapter 4

Title: A Tragic Affair  
Author: desolate butterfly  
Genre: crack, inanimate object smut  
Pairing: Sasuke/Kleenex, Cupcake/Sasuke  
Rating: R  
Summary: Sasuke finally finds someone to top, but it doesn't work out so well.

--

Sasuke was very excited. He'd finally found it—the one person he was sure he could top! All it took was a stroll through the grocery mart one lazy afternoon and there, in the toiletries aisle, was his uke…_Kleenex_.

Kleenex, with his soft, downy three-ply softness and pure white body. Kleenex, who peeked shyly out of his box when Sasuke passed, quivering in anticipation as Sasuke closed his hand around him.

Of course, Sasuke had to have Kleenex at _that very moment_.

So, Sasuke took Kleenex and ran back to his apartment, abandoning his bag of tomatoes in his extreme haste. He opened the door cautiously and peeked in all the different rooms to make sure Cupcake had not arrived home before him. When he saw the house was empty, he took Kleenex out and brought him over to the bed.

Sasuke bit his lip as he pushed two fingers past the plastic sheath of Kleenex's box, penetrating inside to slowly draw Kleenex out.

"Oh Sasuke-sama," Kleenex cried, arching into Sasuke's touch. "Please be gentle with me!"

Sasuke smiled in cruel delight and curled his fingers against Kleenex's soft surface. With great satisfaction, he said the words he'd been waiting to say for years now.

"Shut up and take it, bitch."

And then Sasuke was pulling Kleenex out with frantic, rough movements and undoing his pants with his other hand, fumbling with the buttons while Kleenex moaned and panted and collapsed delicately around his fingers.

Sasuke began to thrust into Kleenex, groaning at the slight smell of lavender and the moisturizing lotion pressed into Kleenex's tissues. The softness sliding across his erection was too much.

"I…I'm coming!" Sasuke yelled, thrusting harder into Kleenex. And then it happened.

Sasuke ripped clear through Kleenex's paper body with a soft, wet sound. Kleenex cried out once and then wilted around Sasuke's member and he knew that Kleenex was dead. Dead by Sasuke's own…hand.

"Noooo," Sasuke moaned, tears appearing in his eyes. "Oh God, no, Kleenex! Why?"

A small cough behind him made Sasuke stiffen in fear. He turned with red-rimmed eyes to find Cupcake staring at him in disapproval.

"Oh Sasuke…what have you done?" Cupcake asked, softly.

Sasuke winced and avoided Cupcake's gaze. "I…I didn't mean to," he whispered. "It just happened."

"You never _mean to_. And yet, look where we are?"

"…'M sorry."

Cupcake sighed and lifted the crumpled body of Kleenex, tossing him in the wastebasket. Sasuke kept his eyes on the ground in front of him.

"Apologies aren't going to make up for the fact that you killed Kleenex with your selfish desire to find someone to top, Sasuke," Cupcake chided, his tone harder than the candy bits sprinkling his frosting.

Sasuke flinched and bowed down on hands and knees, the very picture of misery. He'd only wanted to top someone. Why was that so bad? Why did it have to turn out this way?

Cupcake watched Sasuke's hunched shoulders for a few seconds, unmoved.

"And what have we learned from this?" Cupcake asked. "What?"

Sasuke mumbled something incomprehensible, eyes glued to the floor where Cupcake's wrapping rustled impatiently.

"Speak up, I can't hear you!"

"…that I can't be a seme," Sasuke finished, pouting. "But I want to top!" His eyes raised to meet Cupcake's frosting defiantly, hand clenching into fists.

"_Sasuke_." Cupcake's voice thundered loudly in the small room and Sasuke resisted the urge to bare his throat at the commanding tone. "You obviously haven't learned anything at all from this experience."

A chain rattled from somewhere behind Cupcake and Sasuke's eyes widened.

"Allow me teach you," Cupcake purred, swiping some frosting through Sasuke's hair and down his bare chest, leaving sticky white streaks in its wake.

Sasuke shivered and leaned into the touch. Visions of how Kleenex had folded around him at the first brutal thrust danced behind his closed eyes; he could only hope he would be strong enough to avoid doing the same.

--

fin.

--


	5. Chapter 5

Title: Taste Test  
Author: desolate butterfly  
Genre: crack, inanimate object smut, humour  
Pairing: Ramen/Naruto  
Rating: PG  
Summary: Naruto really really likes ramen. A lot.

--

Naruto didn't really know what is was about ramen that made his heart thump and his cheeks flush.

Maybe it was the way ramen was always so very hot and inviting. Maybe it was the hint of spice ramen left of Naruto's tongue, or the way the long, wet noodles slipped thickly into Naruto's waiting throat.

All Naruto knew was that he couldn't help the groan of pleasure at ramen invaded his mouth again, rubbing against his lips and tasting so very good.

"Ohhhhh yeah."

"That's it." Sasuke slammed his hands down on the tabletop, upsetting his own bowl of ramen. His cheeks were tomato red as he tossed some money down and turned away. "I'm never taking you out to lunch again."

Naruto shrugged and watched Sasuke leave the Ichiraku, slurping more of ramen into his mouth with a satisfied sigh.

Obviously, Sasuke was just jealous of their forbidden love.

--

fin.

--


	6. Chapter 6

Title: The Birth of Cupcake  
Author: desbutterfly  
Genre: crack, drabble, humour  
Pairing: Cupcake/Sasuke, Kabuto/Oro?  
Rating: PG  
Summary: Little did Kabuto know what he was bringing to life that fateful day in Sound.

--

Kabuto took an eye dropper and carefully added a few drops of the special mixture to the white-frosted, chocolate cupcake. The candy bits sizzled when the liquid hit them, but that was it as far as a reaction went.

Kabuto sighed and pushed his glasses back up on his nose. The secret documents on food pills stolen from the Akimichi were only partially readable, and obviously he wasn't doing as good at filling in the blanks as he thought. Orochimaru had wanted him to create a food pill for Sasuke which would allow him to use his curse seal without it having adverse affects on his body.

So far, Kabuto's experiments hadn't done anything except fill the boy out a bit in the middle (which was an accomplishment, for Sasuke-sama was almost unhealthily thin for his age) and waste most of Sound's budget on different food items.

The cupcake was a last resort.

"Well? Did it work?"

Kabuto turned to see Sasuke lounging in the doorway, arms crossed over his chest, a blank look on his face. His eyes were straying to the cupcake though, and Kabuto thought he detected a hint of hunger in that gaze.

"I don't think so," Kabuto said. "The documents say that the right food item, when mixed with the compound, will condense into a powder that can be placed into a special pill. Ask you can see, the cupcake obviously wasn't the right food item."

"Obviously."

Kabuto hid a smirk with his hand as he abandoned his chair and set the eye dropper back in his kit.

"I'll dispose of the experiment later," he said, heading for the door. "Right now, I think Orochimaru has requested my company."

_'If he's stupid enough to eat something that might poison him, then he obviously isn't worthy of becoming Orochimaru-sama's container in the first place,'_ Kabuto thought as he left Sasuke in the room and walked down the hallway, whistling a jaunty tune.

Back in the lab, Sasuke was still eyeing the cupcake.

It didn't look like a horrific lab experiment. It looked like a cupcake. A delicious, rich, sweet, tasty cupcake. A cupcake that Sasuke wanted to lick the frosting off of in long, slow swipes of his tongue, and then bite into the soft, dark cake with his teeth. He'd skipped breakfast for training and he was a growing boy.

Sasuke poked the frosting hesitantly with a finger, and shivered as the candy bits scraped against his skin. It looked like a normal cupcake. It probably tasted like one too. And who knows? Kabuto's experiment might have worked in the end. It might be a chakra-enhancing, body-saving, normal-tasting cupcake.

Sasuke decided it was worth a try.

He picked up the cupcake by the wrapper and held it delicately between his finger before extending his tongue…

…and found himself on his knees, arms twisted up behind his head, his torso forced forward until his hair was brushing the floor. Candy bits scra-a-ped against his wrists and something sticky and sweet-smelling trailed across the back of his neck over the seal.

Sasuke froze.

"Oh no bitch," a voice crooned. "I'll be the one to eat _you_."

That was when Sasuke realized that he was in a lot of trouble.

--

fin

--


End file.
